Saturday, February 17, 2007

Newsflash to the Left: David Brooks is not your friend.

The delightful driftglass has produced another gem -- gawd, I love the way this guy writes! This time he's ripping into the insufferable David Brooks who is giving free advice to HRC which is worth every penny she paid for it.
Of late, the NYTs pet apologist for the vast criminal enterprise known as the GOP has taken to strapping on his enormous thinking cap, throwing the vast resources available at the NYT at the problem, squinching up his eyes, concentrating extra super-ooper-duper hard, and come up with a whole lot of advice...

...on how Democrats should behave.

Really.

His 02/15 column “No Apology Needed” begins
“Far be it from me to get in the middle of a liberal purge, but would anybody mind if I pointed out that the calls for Hillary Clinton to apologize for her support of the Iraq war are almost entirely bogus?”
Let’s stop the rodeo right there, pard.

The short answer is “Yes”.

Shut up and go away you trivial, talentless, annoying little bolus of tripe.

The junior Senator from New York could draw him baths and fetch him crumbcake and gin from now until Gideon’s trumpet…

The junior Senator from New York could let him dictate tax policy verbatim while giving him a Logan’s Tarsal Supremo foot massage…

The junior Senator from New York could service his shriveled member hard enough to suck a freight train back up through an event horizon...

...and come election day he’d still waddle into his local polling place and poop out a vote for whichever slab of tainted GOP meat got the Jebus Stamp of Righteous Approval from James Dobson.

And then he’d strap on his Deeply Consternated Beaver Face and in pastel-tones explain why, at the end of the day, he just though John McCain/Curtis LeMay/Torquemada had a better vision for America.

Or was less angry.

Or thought that trying JustOneMoreTimeInIraq v 9.0 just might work this time!

Or thought he was right enough on enough things that despite his controversial Pro Nuclear Winter stance as the Decent Christian Alternative to Global Warming, he got Bobo’s vote.

Newsflash to the Left: David Brooks is not your friend.

David Brooks serves only one function: to serve as the Party of God’s moon-faced edge of the wedge.

David Brooks can devote the occasional column to piddle in tiny, unhappy circles and he can make as many angry little doodles in his spiral binder about how he Hates James Dobson So Much! as he likes.

But in the end, always, the Conservative Whorehouse has many Mansions.

In the end, he who maintains his life, status, identity and ka by remaining a dutiful thrall -- forever an obedient fluffer in the Great GOP Cycle of Clusterfuckery -- will always wriggle his way back to the men who shit on his head. Because they are also the ones who foot his bills.

[...]

David Brooks omits these trifling “facts” because although David Brooks is not your friend, that boy seems to have become positively obsessed with offering Democrats advice.

Something about shutting the fuck up and fixing the Sequoia in your own eye before getting all antsy-pantsy about the mote in your neighbor’s eye leaps to mind.

Bobo rounds out his February 15th Dear Hillary advice column by advising her to jettison her Moral Compass for a Political Triangle, and trying with every adjective he can borrow to push her further towards the wingnut precipice and into the Punji trap they have prepared for her the “Center”, first by simply lying outright and imputing that the reason
“most liberals went into full opposition” to Iraq was that they “[wanted] to see Bush disgraced.”
And, second, by furthering that lie by asserting that
“the liberal wing of the Democratic Party believes that the world, and Hillary Clinton in particular, owes it an apology.”
No, Bobo, the world does not owe the Dirty Hippies an apology: The Republican Party owes the world an apology.

The hack and looters. The liars and Plame-outers. Constitution-haters and Christopath freaks. The warrentless phone tappers. The giddily pro-torturers. The bigots and the buffoons. The “Impeach Clinton Now!” Personal Responsibility howler monkeys who couldn’t find the time in the last six years to hold a single, substantive hearing. The Party of Fake News, Fake Government and Fake Jesus.

Even poor little Bobo -- that crooked ship of unction floating on an ocean of stoopid.

You all absolutely owe the world a big, fat, fucking apology.

And anyone Left of Sam Brownback who would actually be stupid enough to listen to you for advice on how to comport themselves or act in good conscience in a complex world deserves what they get.

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