World Wide War

The incomparable driftglass watches Newt on teevee and explains it all as only driftglass can...

Newt: We are caught up in a World Wide war. Against an enemy that is evil evil evil. There was a 12 year old kid who beheaded someone! And this couple who wanted to use their baby to smuggle a bomb.

driftglass: And there were White high schoolers at Columbine who committed mass murder. A White Christian milk-truck driver who walked into an Amish schoolhouse and started shooting children.

A loyal Militia Conservative Christian and embodiment of Newt’s own “The Government is Evil” ideology named McVeigh who blew up an entire building.

There is Eric Rudolph.

There is Fred Phelps.

By Newt’s reasoning, each of these incidents involving White, Christian lunatics who either volubly advocate violence or commit actual violence demands to be stitched together to “prove” that we are really in a World Wide War against violent White American Christian extremism.

So if I understand correctly, by Newt’s reasoning, we need to nuke Alabama.

Like, immediately.

Newt: Whether it’s Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran…

Because the racist Republican doctrine that dare not quite speak its name is as simple as this: The Great Swarthy Hordes are all in it together!

Like the army of bigoted wingnuts for whom he speaks, to Newt they’re all ragheads. They’re all the same. They all believe the same thing. They’re all savages. They all need to be “defeated”. And steered by this White Power, imperialist doctrine, we lashed wildly out at a non-radical people who never, ever threatened us.

Who happened to be sitting on an ocean of oil.

And then proceeded to fuck up their country, turning it into a gaping, bloody wound.

And now, four years later, for reasons which are unfathomable to me, charlatans and fascists like Newt still have an open invitation to sit in front of the nation’s cameras and opine as if they were not insane.

To calmly cite the chaos that their own perverse ideology nourished and metastasized as “evidence” that we should continue doing exactly what got us into this quagmire in the first place.

Because without the Viagra of an Endless Cold War to engorge the wee dabs of shriveled gristle between their legs, the Conservatives have nothing left in the sock drawer to stuff down their Grand Old Party Pants but corporate feudalism, gay dread and Negrophobia.